Christianity Today September 16, 2026 8 min signal 2026-09-16

Why I'm a professional 'third wheel'

Archived text mirror, captured for personal reading when the Signal ran. Formatting is approximate — read the original at the source.

Christianity Today

September 16, 2026

- Facebook

- X

- WhatsApp

- Telegram

Mavis M. / Unsplash

It’s five o’clock rush hour on Wednesday afternoon, and I’m trying to think happy thoughts on my weekly one-and-a-half-hour drudge through Nashville to visit my friends Chase and Paige. The drive itself is easily my least favorite part of the week, but as I arrive and see their 3-year-old daughter come running out to meet me, the tension melts away, and I’m reminded that I’m getting a more-than-fair deal.

This is my weekly pilgrimage. I’m aware how atypical and even excessive such commitment might seem, but it’s allowed me not only to keep my 10-year friendship with Chase but also to become an uncle-adjacent member of his family.

For me as a single guy in my 30s, the depth and abundance of quality friendships I enjoy are countercultural. The “third-wheel” stigma causes many to write off potential friends with different relationship statuses. Others feel helpless as they watch legacy friendships succumb to the inertia of everyday life.

Thanks for signing up.

Explore more newsletters—don’t forget to start your free 60-day trial of CT to get full access to all articles in every newsletter.

Sorry, something went wrong. Please try again.

### Marriage Is Not a Prize to Be Won

Mia Staub

### How Do I Find My Identity in Christ When I So Want to Be Married?

Beth Moore, Kevin Antlitz, and Kiara John-Charles

I’m a loyal friend, but I’d like to think most of my current bounty is the result of my endeavor to answer the Bible’s higher calling for friendship in a world progressively diluting it. Our categories—single, married, with or without kids—largely determine how we navigate relationships. And unlike the formal vows of marriage, the expectations of platonic relationships are rarely spelled out.

Good friendships involve virtues like trust, openness, and mutual investment, but Christian friendships go further. Think of a weathered but sturdy home rather than a new building constructed so quickly that something’s always breaking. Common interests and goals might form the building blocks of a new bond, but such things ultimately change and shouldn’t be load-bearing.

True biblical camaraderie is rooted in the friendship of Jesus. Tim Keller described friendship as fundamentally self-forgetful. Our security in Christ liberates us from fear of rejection and unhealthy codependency so we might serve others’ interests.

Keller mentions another cornerstone—candor—which we see in the way Christ calls us into friendship with himself. “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15).

You can’t serve someone whose needs you don’t know. But it’s more than that. Consider 1 John 1:7: “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”

Not only is authentic friendship found through honesty, but also, as we stumble along in imperfectly open camaraderie, Christ cleanses us from our sins as we confess them. Community, then, is mandatory for believers. Jesus has entangled his very blood with community, reminding us of his love and forgiveness through our outward showings toward one another.

So if fellowship is so critical to Christian life and if most agree we are experiencing a loneliness epidemic, why are we limiting our potential pool of friends only to those who resemble ourselves? A 2025 Barna study reports about 46 percent of people in the US are married. A myriad of assumptions, misunderstandings, and practices are responsible for half the population’s tendency to silo itself from the other. I have dedicated an entire podcast to these.

But I’d like to focus here on our failure to persevere in existing friendships through major life changes. When time together suddenly requires overcoming the friction of competing priorities and distance, it’s tempting to throw up our hands as if there’s nothing we can do. But Jesus requires much of us while warning of less-than-ideal circumstances.

### It Is Not Best for Man to Eat Alone

Anna Broadway

### Glory to God in the Highest Calling

Sandra Glahn and Seana Scott

You could call our issue one of commitment, though that would be pulling punches. Unmasked Scooby-Doo style, the real culprit is plain ol’ selfishness. We can get flaky when left to our own devices. We leave plans tentative in case something “better” comes up. We even use others to alleviate our own loneliness or boredom.

Like anything we attempt through our own strength, our efforts to love one another can fall far short of the love described in 1 Corinthians 13—love that is selfless, trusting, protective, and persistent in refusing to keep score.

Christ makes it clear that he chose us (John 15:16) and “we love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). As in marriage, friends must continually choose one another amid inconveniences and fickle emotions. In fact, I wonder if high divorce rates might indict more of us than we care to admit. A study by Couple and Family Psychology found that 75 percent of divorces result from a lack of commitment.

Friendships might not share the covenantal weight of marriage, but if we can’t sacrifice our convenience to remain in our friends’ lives when they get married, move across town, or welcome children into their families, how are we supposed to stay the formidable course of matrimony?

Friendships sourced from Christ’s perfect commitment to us should have better inoculation against life’s pressures. Jesus himself intimately inhabits friendships with his followers. As he says in Matthew 18:20, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

With Christ’s promised presence and help, we have room for freedom and creativity in how we invest in our friendships. I can’t tell you exactly how this should look in your own life, but I can confidently say that intentionality covers a multitude of imperfections. The simplest show of it makes friends feel seen and loved, regardless of whether our execution goes according to plan.

The author of the grand narrative delights in unremarkable people and small moments, so don’t put off meeting until you feel prepared to “properly” host. And be the friend others know they can invite into their mess. The richest relationships in my life were built on what The Atlantic’s Julie Beck calls “lower-stakes” social activities like entertaining a toddler as parents finish chores or catching up during a grocery run.

In my friendship with Chase and Paige, we’ve developed some practical ways to stay connected. Communication almost always happens via group chat, which saves them the trouble of a separate discussion on the side and doubles my chances of getting a response. We also keep our weekly hangout time relatively consistent. For us, standing plans are easier than scheduling meetups on a week-by-week basis. Guarding a night from competing events is a meaningful gesture and reduces the headache of the back-and-forth.

When Chase began dating Paige, the preexisting weekly ritual he and I had of watching movies, anime, or YouTube videos became a natural way to include Paige. Through their season of dating and into their marriage, Chase and Paige endured a weekly commute to my apartment as arduous as the one I make today. They embraced serving me in this way, knowing that once they had kids, our routine would likely be reversed.

I’ve found that the needs and freedoms of different life stages often fit together like puzzle pieces—or, as Paul says, as parts of one body. When young children’s bedtimes keep their parents under evening house arrest, I can enter into that. In this case, my recompense is a home-cooked meal and a front-row seat (and even participation) in the realities of marriage and family that I personally desire. This unfiltered involvement matures me as a potential husband while keeping me from over-romanticizing marriage.

Many parents assume single friends would rather leave after dinner and avoid the nightly ritual of willing sleep on restless children. But because I explicitly debunked that notion with my friends, I often take part in everything from reading bedtime stories to passing the needed implements during the disposal of a poopy diaper. If my presence is a hindrance, I can use the time to tidy up or do dishes. Either way serves my friends. And afterward, we get an hour or two of uninterrupted time to play games and laugh together before I head home.

Sure, our relationship looks different these days than it did when Chase was single. But by putting in the work to keep our friendship strong, the three of us have developed a bond with a depth and understanding that every heart desires.

So find some friends and commit yourself to them for no other reason than you’ve chosen to do so, as Christ has chosen you. As I’m reminded every time I see that little amalgamation of Chase and Paige meet me at the door, even in seasons of uneven sacrifice, it’s the giver who truly receives. I’m getting more than a fair deal.

Kevin Morris is a musician, fiction writer, and host of the Observations of a Professional Third-Wheel podcast, where he encourages friendships between single and married friends. He is also the audio editor for CT Media.

- More from Kevin Morris

- Facebook

- X

- WhatsApp

- Telegram

### Do Singles Really Have More Time for Ministry?

Danielle Treweek

### 5 Ways to Forge Male Friendships That Last

Seth Troutt

### Miroslav Volf: ‘Disagreeing With You Feels Like Disagreeing With Myself’

Andrew Hendrixson

### Chatbot Companionship Will Make Our Loneliness Crisis Worse